Oprah Winfrey's 2008 Stanford Commencement Address

Thank you, President Hennessy, and to the trustees and the  faculty, to all of the parents and grandparents, to you, the Stanford  graduates. Thank you for letting me share this amazing day with you. 

I need to begin by letting everyone in on a little secret.  The secret is that Kirby Bumpus, Stanford Class of '08, is my goddaughter.  So, I was thrilled when President Hennessy asked me to be your Commencement  speaker, because this is the first time I've been allowed on campus since  Kirby's been here. 

And I'm so happy to be here, just happy that I finally,  after four years, get to see her room. There's really nowhere else I'd rather  be, because I'm so proud of Kirby, who graduates today with two degrees, one  in human bio and the other in psychology.   

And so proud of her mother and father, who helped her get  through this time, and her brother, Will. I really had nothing to do with her  graduating from Stanford, but every time anybody's asked me in the past couple  of weeks what I was doing, I would say, "I'm getting ready to go to  Stanford." 

I just love saying "Stanford." Because the truth  is, I know I would have never gotten my degree at all, 'cause I didn't go to  Stanford. I went to Tennessee State University. But I never would have gotten  my diploma at all, because I was supposed to graduate back in 1975, but I was  short one credit. And I figured, I'm just going to forget it, 'cause, you  know, I'm not going to march with my class. Because by that point, I was  already on television. I'd been in television since I was 19 and a sophomore.  Granted, I was the only television anchor person that had an 11 o'clock  curfew doing the 10 o'clock news. 

Seriously, my dad was like, "Well, that news is over  at 10:30. Be home by 11." 

But that didn't matter to me, because I was earning a  living. I was on my way. So, I thought, I'm going to let this college thing  go and I only had one credit short. But, my father, from that time on and for  years after, was always on my case, because I did not graduate. He'd say,  "Oprah Gail"?that's my middle name?"I don't know what you're  gonna do without that degree." And I'd say, "But, Dad, I have my  own television show." 

And he'd say, "Well, I still don't know what you're  going to do without that degree." 

And I'd say, "But, Dad, now I'm a talk show  host." He'd say, "I don't know how you're going to get another job  without that degree." 

So, in 1987, Tennessee State University invited me back to  speak at their commencement. By then, I had my own show, was nationally  syndicated. I'd made a movie, had been nominated for an Oscar and founded my  company, Harpo. But I told them, I cannot come and give a speech unless I can  earn one more credit, because my dad's still saying I'm not going to get anywhere  without that degree. 

So, I finished my coursework, I turned in my final paper  and I got the degree. 

And my dad was very proud. And I know that, if anything  happens, that one credit will be my salvation. 

But I also know why my dad was insisting on that diploma,  because, as B. B. King put it, "The beautiful thing about learning is  that nobody can take that away from you." And learning is really in the  broadest sense what I want to talk about today, because your education, of  course, isn't ending here. In many ways, it's only just begun. 

The world has so many lessons to teach you. I consider the  world, this Earth, to be like a school and our life the classrooms. And  sometimes here in this Planet Earth school the lessons often come dressed up  as detours or roadblocks. And sometimes as full-blown crises. And the secret  I've learned to getting ahead is being open to the lessons, lessons from the  grandest university of all, that is, the universe itself. 

It's being able to walk through life eager and open to  self-improvement and that which is going to best help you evolve, 'cause  that's really why we're here, to evolve as human beings. To grow into more of  ourselves, always moving to the next level of understanding, the next level  of compassion and growth. 

I think about one of the greatest compliments I've ever  received: I interviewed with a reporter when I was first starting out in  Chicago. And then many years later, I saw the same reporter. And she said to  me, "You know what? You really haven't changed. You've just become more  of yourself." 

And that is really what we're all trying to do, become  more of ourselves. And I believe that there's a lesson in almost everything  that you do and every experience, and getting the lesson is how you move  forward. It's how you enrich your spirit. And, trust me, I know that inner  wisdom is more precious than wealth. The more you spend it, the more you  gain. 

So, today, I just want to share a few lessons?meaning  three?that I've learned in my journey so far. And aren't you glad? Don't you  hate it when somebody says, "I'm going to share a few," and it's 10  lessons later? And, you're like, "Listen, this is my graduation. This is  not about you." So, it's only going to be three. 

The three lessons that have had the greatest impact on my  life have to do with feelings, with failure and with finding happiness. 

A year after I left college, I was given the opportunity  to co-anchor the 6 o'clock news in Baltimore, because the whole goal in the  media at the time I was coming up was you try to move to larger markets. And  Baltimore was a much larger market than Nashville. So, getting the 6 o'clock  news co-anchor job at 22 was such a big deal. It felt like the biggest deal  in the world at the time. 

And I was so proud, because I was finally going to have my  chance to be like Barbara Walters, which is who I had been trying to emulate  since the start of my TV career. So, I was 22 years old, making $22,000 a  year. And it's where I met my best friend, Gayle, who was an intern at the  same TV station. And once we became friends, we'd say, "Ohmigod, I can't  believe it! You're making $22,000 and you're only 22. Imagine when you're 40  and you're making $40,000!" 

When I turned 40, I was so glad that didn't happen. 

So, here I am, 22, making $22,000 a year and, yet, it  didn't feel right. It didn't feel right. The first sign, as President  Hennessy was saying, was when they tried to change my name. The news director  said to me at the time, "Nobody's going to remember Oprah. So, we want  to change your name. We've come up with a name we think that people will  remember and people will like. It's a friendly name: Suzie." 

Hi, Suzie. Very friendly. You can't be angry with Suzie.  Remember Suzie. But my name wasn't Suzie. And, you know, I'd grown up not  really loving my name, because when you're looking for your little name on  the lunch boxes and the license plate tags, you're never going to find Oprah.  

So, I grew up not loving the name, but once I was asked to  change it, I thought, well, it is my name and do I look like a Suzie to you?  So, I thought, no, it doesn't feel right. I'm not going to change my name.  And if people remember it or not, that's OK. 

And then they said they didn't like the way I looked. This  was in 1976, when your boss could call you in and say, "I don't like the  way you look." Now that would be called a lawsuit, but back then they  could just say, "I don't like the way you look." Which, in case  some of you in the back, if you can't tell, is nothing like Barbara Walters.  So, they sent me to a salon where they gave me a perm, and after a few days  all my hair fell out and I had to shave my head. And then they really didn't  like the way I looked. 

Because now I am black and bald and sitting on TV. Not a  pretty picture. 

But even worse than being bald, I really hated, hated,  hated being sent to report on other people's tragedies as a part of my daily  duty, knowing that I was just expected to observe, when everything in my  instinct told me that I should be doing something, I should be lending a  hand. 

So, as President Hennessy said, I'd cover a fire and then  I'd go back and I'd try to give the victims blankets. And I wouldn't be able  to sleep at night because of all the things I was covering during the day. 

And, meanwhile, I was trying to sit gracefully like  Barbara and make myself talk like Barbara. And I thought, well, I could make  a pretty goofy Barbara. And if I could figure out how to be myself, I could  be a pretty good Oprah. I was trying to sound elegant like Barbara. And  sometimes I didn't read my copy, because something inside me said, this  should be spontaneous. So, I wanted to get the news as I was giving it to the  people. So, sometimes, I wouldn't read my copy and it would be, like, six  people on a pileup on I-40. Oh, my goodness. 

And sometimes I wouldn't read the copy?because I wanted to  be spontaneous?and I'd come across a list of words I didn't know and I'd  mispronounce. And one day I was reading copy and I called Canada "ca  nada." And I decided, this Barbara thing's not going too well. I should  try being myself. 

But at the same time, my dad was saying, "Oprah Gail,  this is an opportunity of a lifetime. You better keep that job." And my  boss was saying, "This is the nightly news. You're an anchor, not a  social worker. Just do your job." 

So, I was juggling these messages of expectation and  obligation and feeling really miserable with myself. I'd go home at night and  fill up my journals, 'cause I've kept a journal since I was 15?so I now have  volumes of journals. So, I'd go home at night and fill up my journals about  how miserable I was and frustrated. Then I'd eat my anxiety. That's where I  learned that habit. 

And after eight months, I lost that job. They said I was  too emotional. I was too much. But since they didn't want to pay out the  contract, they put me on a talk show in Baltimore. And the moment I sat down  on that show, the moment I did, I felt like I'd come home. I realized that TV  could be more than just a playground, but a platform for service, for helping  other people lift their lives. And the moment I sat down, doing that talk  show, it felt like breathing. It felt right. And that's where everything that  followed for me began. 

And I got that lesson. When you're doing the work you're  meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what  you're getting paid. 

It's true. And how do you know when you're doing something  right? How do you know that? It feels so. What I know now is that feelings  are really your GPS system for life. When you're supposed to do something or  not supposed to do something, your emotional guidance system lets you know.  The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your  gut instead. Every right decision I've made?every right decision I've ever  made?has come from my gut. And every wrong decision I've ever made was a  result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself. 

If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson.  And that lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt  means don't. This is what I've learned. There are many times when you don't  know what to do. When you don't know what to do, get still, get very still,  until you do know what to do. 

And when you do get still and let your internal motivation  be the driver, not only will your personal life improve, but you will gain a  competitive edge in the working world as well. Because, as Daniel Pink writes  in his best-seller, A Whole New Mind, we're entering a whole new age. And he  calls it the Conceptual Age, where traits that set people apart today are  going to come from our hearts?right brain?as well as our heads. It's no  longer just the logical, linear, rules-based thinking that matters, he says.  It's also empathy and joyfulness and purpose, inner traits that have  transcendent worth. 

These qualities bloom when we're doing what we love, when  we're involving the wholeness of ourselves in our work, both our expertise  and our emotion. 

So, I say to you, forget about the fast lane. If you  really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion. Honor your  calling. Everybody has one. Trust your heart and success will come to you. 

So, how do I define success? Let me tell you, money's  pretty nice. I'm not going to stand up here and tell you that it's not about  money, 'cause money is very nice. I like money. It's good for buying things. 

But having a lot of money does not automatically make you  a successful person. What you want is money and meaning. You want your work  to be meaningful. Because meaning is what brings the real richness to your  life. What you really want is to be surrounded by people you trust and  treasure and by people who cherish you. That's when you're really rich. 

So, lesson one, follow your feelings. If it feels right,  move forward. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. 

Now I want to talk a little bit about failings, because  nobody's journey is seamless or smooth. We all stumble. We all have setbacks.  If things go wrong, you hit a dead end?as you will?it's just life's way of  saying time to change course. So, ask every failure?this is what I do with  every failure, every crisis, every difficult time?I say, what is this here to  teach me? And as soon as you get the lesson, you get to move on. If you  really get the lesson, you pass and you don't have to repeat the class. If  you don't get the lesson, it shows up wearing another pair of pants?or  skirt?to give you some remedial work. 

And what I've found is that difficulties come when you  don't pay attention to life's whisper, because life always whispers to you  first. And if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream.  Whatever you resist persists. But, if you ask the right question?not why is  this happening, but what is this here to teach me??it puts you in the place  and space to get the lesson you need. 

My friend Eckhart Tolle, who's written this wonderful book  called A New Earth that's all about letting the awareness of who you are  stimulate everything that you do, he puts it like this: He says, don't react  against a bad situation; merge with that situation instead. And the solution  will arise from the challenge. Because surrendering yourself doesn't mean  giving up; it means acting with responsibility. 

Many of you know that, as President Hennessy said, I  started this school in Africa. And I founded the school, where I'm trying to  give South African girls a shot at a future like yours?Stanford. And I spent  five years making sure that school would be as beautiful as the students. I  wanted every girl to feel her worth reflected in her surroundings. So, I  checked every blueprint, I picked every pillow. I was looking at the grout in  between the bricks. I knew every thread count of the sheets. I chose every  girl from the villages, from nine provinces. And yet, last fall, I was faced  with a crisis I had never anticipated. I was told that one of the dorm  matrons was suspected of sexual abuse. 

That was, as you can imagine, devastating news. First, I  cried?actually, I sobbed?for about half an hour. And then I said, let's get  to it; that's all you get, a half an hour. You need to focus on the now, what  you need to do now. So, I contacted a child trauma specialist. I put together  a team of investigators. I made sure the girls had counseling and support.  And Gayle and I got on a plane and flew to South Africa. 

And the whole time I kept asking that question: What is  this here to teach me? And, as difficult as that experience has been, I got a  lot of lessons. I understand now the mistakes I made, because I had been  paying attention to all of the wrong things. I'd built that school from the  outside in, when what really mattered was the inside out. 

So, it's a lesson that applies to all of our lives as a  whole. What matters most is what's inside. What matters most is the sense of  integrity, of quality and beauty. I got that lesson. And what I know is that  the girls came away with something, too. They have emerged from this more  resilient and knowing that their voices have power. 

And their resilience and spirit have given me more than I  could ever give to them, which leads me to my final lesson?the one about  finding happiness?which we could talk about all day, but I know you have  other wacky things to do. 

Not a small topic this is, finding happiness. But in some  ways I think it's the simplest of all. Gwendolyn Brooks wrote a poem for her  children. It's called "Speech to the Young : Speech to the  Progress-Toward." And she says at the end, "Live not for battles  won. / Live not for the-end-of-the-song. / Live in the along." She's  saying, like Eckhart Tolle, that you have to live for the present. You have  to be in the moment. Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power  over this present moment, because life is now. 

But I think she's also saying, be a part of something.  Don't live for yourself alone. This is what I know for sure: In order to be  truly happy, you must live along with and you have to stand for something  larger than yourself. Because life is a reciprocal exchange. To move forward  you have to give back. And to me, that is the greatest lesson of life. To be  happy, you have to give something back. 

I know you know that, because that's a lesson that's woven  into the very fabric of this university. It's a lesson that Jane and Leland  Stanford got and one they've bequeathed to you. Because all of you know the  story of how this great school came to be, how the Stanfords lost their only  child to typhoid at the age of 15. They had every right and they had every  reason to turn their backs against the world at that time, but instead, they  channeled their grief and their pain into an act of grace. Within a year of  their son's death, they had made the founding grant for this great school,  pledging to do for other people's children what they were not able to do for  their own boy. 

The lesson here is clear, and that is, if you're hurting,  you need to help somebody ease their hurt. If you're in pain, help somebody  else's pain. And when you're in a mess, you get yourself out of the mess  helping somebody out of theirs. And in the process, you get to become a  member of what I call the greatest fellowship of all, the sorority of  compassion and the fraternity of service. 

The Stanfords had suffered the worst thing any mom and dad  can ever endure, yet they understood that helping others is the way we help  ourselves. And this wisdom is increasingly supported by scientific and  sociological research. It's no longer just woo-woo soft-skills talk. There's  actually a helper's high, a spiritual surge you gain from serving others. So,  if you want to feel good, you have to go out and do some good. 

But when you do good, I hope you strive for more than just  the good feeling that service provides, because I know this for sure, that  doing good actually makes you better. So, whatever field you choose, if you  operate from the paradigm of service, I know your life will have more value  and you will be happy. 

I was always happy doing my talk show, but that happiness  reached a depth of fulfillment, of joy, that I really can't describe to you  or measure when I stopped just being on TV and looking at TV as a job and  decided to use television, to use it and not have it use me, to use it as a  platform to serve my viewers. That alone changed the trajectory of my  success. 

So, I know this?that whether you're an actor, you offer  your talent in the way that most inspires art. If you're an anatomist, you  look at your gift as knowledge and service to healing. Whether you've been  called, as so many of you here today getting doctorates and other degrees, to  the professions of business, law, engineering, humanities, science, medicine,  if you choose to offer your skills and talent in service, when you choose the  paradigm of service, looking at life through that paradigm, it turns  everything you do from a job into a gift. And I know you haven't spent all  this time at Stanford just to go out and get a job. 

You've been enriched in countless ways. There's no better  way to make your mark on the world and to share that abundance with others.  My constant prayer for myself is to be used in service for the greater good. 

So, let me end with one of my favorite quotes from Martin  Luther King. Dr. King said, "Not everybody can be famous." And I  don't know, but everybody today seems to want to be famous. 

But fame is a trip. People follow you to the bathroom,  listen to you pee. It's just?try to pee quietly. It doesn't matter, they come  out and say, "Ohmigod, it's you. You peed." 

That's the fame trip, so I don't know if you want that. 

So, Dr. King said, "Not everybody can be famous. But  everybody can be great, because greatness is determined by service."  Those of you who are history scholars may know the rest of that passage. He  said, "You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have  to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You don't have to know about  Plato or Aristotle to serve. You don't have to know Einstein's theory of  relativity to serve. You don't have to know the second theory of  thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace and a  soul generated by love." 

In a few moments, you'll all be officially Stanford's '08.  

You have the heart and the smarts to go with it. And it's  up to you to decide, really, where will you now use those gifts? You've got  the diploma, so go out and get the lessons, 'cause I know great things are  sure to come. 

You know, I've always believed that everything is better  when you share it, so before I go, I wanted to share a graduation gift with  you. Underneath your seats you'll find two of my favorite books. Eckhart Tolle's  A New Earth is my current book club selection. Our New Earth webcast has been  downloaded 30 million times with that book. And Daniel Pink's A Whole New  Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future has reassured me I'm in the  right direction. 

I really wanted to give you cars but I just couldn't pull  that off! Congratulations, '08! 

Thank you. Thank you.